As I walked into the room, my eye caught hers. I had to stop and do a double take as she returned my gaze. I had seen her before, but never like this.
Her beauty was like nothing I’d ever experienced. She now stood tall and proud. Her hair was long and beautiful, and the simple dress she wore accented every curve of her body.
As I inspected her some more, I allowed my gaze to drift downward. The slight breeze from the fan overhead lightly swept her hair across her face. And as she pulled her hair back behind her ear, I couldn’t help but notice the softness of her neck. The curve of her breasts and the hips of a woman.
She knew she was beautiful, but only now had she just really given herself permission to feel it.
I returned my gaze back up to her eyes and locked into her soul, as she did mine.
I could tell the beauty was more than just on the physical plane.
There was something different about her now.
The pain, darkness, and cloud of uncertainty that once filled her eyes was now filled with light and love. I had secretly always felt a deep love radiating from within her. Now it was true, true for her. It was deep and passionate and filled with desire. I took comfort in her. I believed in her and I knew she did too.
I wanted to experience every inch of her. I never wanted to let her go. Our connection was getting stronger by the second and I knew she felt it too.
It was in that moment, I realized I was madly in love with this woman and I was going to spend the rest of my life getting to know her as deeply, lovingly and as intimately as I could.
I cried for her pain she once had and that she now has become thankful for.
I cried for her insecurities that she once experienced and the worth she now owns.
I cried for the vulnerability she continues to show strength in.
She was me. Yes, I fell madly in love with me. I had to. I couldn’t take the emptiness of being alone. I had to look inward and believe in me. It was time to give myself permission to love me. If I didn’t, who would?
It was up to me to stop the searching and surrender to me. To give myself a loving chance in this world. To stop fighting myself and my darkness that lie only in my mind. I had to live in this moment and allow peace into my heart. It was my choice.
It was none of my business what others thought of me.
I was the only one that had to live with me every moment of every day. Something had to change and no more was I going to question; no more was I going to play a victim to the inner workings of the chaotic mind. I was not going to come from a place of guilt or shame. It was time to take my power back. And I did. And it feels un-fucking-believable. I’m done, but yet, I have only yet begun.
I dare you to try this exercise:
Write yourself a love letter. But before you do, give yourself some time with the mirror. Don’t do anything but stare and share some loving words. Look into your eyes and just be with you.
Yes I know it sounds uncomfortable and weird but just try it.
Give yourself a good 5-10 minutes and than get in a safe space, free from distractions and write. Write and write.
Thank your legs for giving you strength to walk the path you have. Thank your heart for sharing its love with you. Thank your body for creating a sacred temple for your soul to live. The only thing you cannot do is allow any negative thoughts to touch the paper. This is such a powerful exercise
Go ahead and love yourself. I dare you!
I want to hear what happened when you gave yourself some time to give you some lovin’. Head on over to the blog and share your juicy details.