It happened again.

First the frustrations, then it’s the anger. Then before you know it this overwhelming feeling of sadness encompasses your entire body. You feel paralyzed by doubt and overcome with question.

You fall to your knees.

Why can’t I just make this happen?
Why won’t it work?
How come the universe just never has my back?

You pray.

You plead.

Please god, spirit, universe – whatever is out there, if you’re real what do you want from me? 

You break down as your heart becomes heavy and the tears fill your eyes. You want to scream, you want to hide and you wished you’d never had tried in the first place.

You feel like a failure. 

There’s got to be another way. There has to be something better, easier, more fulfilling.

That’s all you want!

To feel fulfilled.

Accepted.

Loved.

Understood.
 
Every part of you wants to give up.
 
You try to give up. You can’t. Something just won’t let you.
 
There’s no turning back. You know that no matter how defeated you feel – giving up just isn’t an option.
 
That voice, that ache, that yearn, it just gets louder and stronger with each breath.
 

You close your eyes….

The vision, the dream, it feels so real you can see it happening. You feel the ease… The joy… The happiness.
 
Eyes open again…
 
It seems like an eternity away. Inspired for a few minutes and then lost, confused and overwhelmed by how.
 
What do I do next?

How do I make it reality?

I deserve this. I want this. I know I fucking can do this!
 
It’s purpose.
 
It’s real. It’s what sets YOU apart. It’s who you are. And it’s never going to shut up.
 
Of course, it’s big. Of course, it’s scary. Of course you question what exactly it is?
 
So you beg for your sign.
 
And than you wait, and wait….nothing
 
Until it happens.

You remember…
 
You remember the text you got from a friend telling you how grateful she is to have YOU in her life.

You remember the conversation you had with an old college buddy telling you how YOU touched his life. 

You remember a loved one giving you that little pep talk at the perfect time telling you she believes in YOU.
 
You remember the email you received from an old client thanking YOU for her new found success and happiness.
 
You remember how unsure you felt when you really wanted something and some how the money just showed up.
 
But your human.

So still the analytical fearful mind needs more validation, needs more answers. So you begin to question situations from your past.
 
You question, “Why you did I have to experience all this pain? Why did you let me suffer?” 
 
And than again you remember…
 
You remember that each time you felt completely lost, broken or defeated something beautiful happened.

You remember that you have a undeniable passion. A dream. A purpose.
 
So my love. Next time you come to the darkness of all that you know, or you question that next move…
 
Surrender just as you did in your darkest nights moments of the soul.
 
Surrender with faith that you’re being guided towards something magical.
 
Surrender to the knowing that the universe, god, spirit, YOU have always had your back.
 
It’s in those times when all seems lost, know you were never alone.
 
Trust. Believe. Live. Repeat.
 
In love and light,

Carolyn xx

“When you come to the edge of all the light you know,
and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
FAITH is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on
or you will be taught how to fly.”― Barbara Winter